Why so serious?

A year ago I joined Atlanta Rollergirls after moving to Atlanta from Wisconsin.  With Stateline, my teammates and I struggled to hold a wall for any length of time.  Now I want to be an all-star for one of the top tier leagues in the world.  I've always been an ambitious little thang, I suppose.

I'll start by acknowledging that while I've gotten better over the past year, I'm not satisfied with where I'm at now.  To mitigate this problem, I've created a training schedule for the next three months before tryouts.  I'm buckling down.  In addition to attending almost every minute of practice, I'm also planning workouts, eating clean, drinking water, and getting as much sleep as possible. 

Figuring out how to train improve in the most efficient way, how to use my individual skills to make smart plays, and how to stand out as a highly-effective blocker is a tall order, especially since derby is a newer sport.  There's no established training method and what's considered effective seems to be a moving target.  I'm reasonably competent at some strange things, including sideways and backward blocking.  But those aren't the old standbys.  They're fancy, I guess.  This would be like if I was good at tap dancing but had some trouble with walking.  My team wants me to "walk" better and "tap dance" less.  It's hard to stop doing what feels most successful to do.  I want to be the best teammate possible.  But I also want to stand out.  Quandary.

I've got something to prove.  I'm a pretend rookie.  It's my first year with Atlanta, and I basically started with the skills of their draftable fresh meat.  But I've been doing derby for three years now.  I've been going to almost every practice and giving it my all for three years.  I've had no off-season.  Ever. And I'm gonna do that again in the interest of growing leaps and bounds in my sport.  I'm tired.  And I'm scared of failure.  But I want this so badly! And I AM GOING TO DO IT.

I know if I make the team I will have access to even more tools to make me successful.  I just have to take it to that level myself, first.  Want.  Going after it 100%.